It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
