The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
