How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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