Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
