I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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