I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
