I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
