Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
