Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
