on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's great music for shaving your balls
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
