You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
