Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please come you make the beer taste better
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
