Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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