Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
