it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
