I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
