You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
