the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
