do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
