First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
