xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
