anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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