Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
