that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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