when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
