dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
