we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
