there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
