He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
