Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
