You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
