i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
