At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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