just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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