I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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