Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think my vagina is haunted
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
