My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
