Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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