Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
