I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think my moral compass just broke
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
