So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
