He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
how drunk are you?
Several
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
