Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Shame is for Republicans.
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