Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
