Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize
