Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
