He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
