id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
