Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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