I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm at about main and main street
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
