I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
