you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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