I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
