I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
