she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
