In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
