So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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